Recently I've been wondering what my life could have been had I made a different decision here or there. I met
The Craftsman the same week I was scheduled to travel abroad to Sweden and Denmark. I canceled my flight plans only a few weeks before, not knowing why. But let's say I
had gone to across the ocean that summer, or I
did follow through on my plans to move out-of-state. What if my parents
had stayed married or I
didn't rekindle an old friendship? Where would I be?
I'm convinced that somewhere in my past, not sure precisely when or where, there was a path that led my potential self in becoming a Wildland Firefighter. On another path, I became a bitter ex-Utahn. Another led me to massage therapy and all things "new-age." This is not to say that I'm unsatisfied, but rather curiously reflective. It's an interesting question to ask yourself- "Who, what, and where could I have been?" Do tell!
3 comments:
Ah yes we all have those moments of thought sometimes.
I would be a Sundance model - but living that model life in real life - expensive clothes that aren't flashy, and leisure time to bring home pine cones, in a little red wagon, to decorate the fireplace mantle, for Saturday's dinner with 22 close friends, just to celebrate pine cones. And I've plenty time to change into my black velour weekend pants and Robert Redford blouse, so I looked refreshed for our guests.
Or - I barely have time to brush my teeth before my lover and I set off for a day of adventuring - in an open-air rickety bus that's overflowing with people discussing their lives in a language that not even our guide understands. Of course this is followed by being stranded in a small mountainside/seaside community because we stopped to visit with a cute old man sitting on a bench outside of the barbershop on the corner, so we lost our interpreter, but no worries, we communicate with our eyes, hands, and the community falls in love with us and asks us to stay and gather stories of the village elders and youngers. And we do.
Or - I spend my days sitting at the desk writing, because my publisher says I need to get the 3rd book in my series out soon - so many readers begging for the next, and I'm distracted by a faint breeze on my linen curtains which brings with it a light scent of magnolias, so I look out my window and see grandchildren coming up my walk with empty baskets crying, "Grandma, come and play." I leave my desk, saying "fans can wait," and hurry to answer their call - knowing grandchildren and soft breezy magnolia scented days can't. Ma
I would be a famous chef, an abscure artist living in a studio appartment in San Fran, married to a russian celloist living in Manhattan with the last name of Petrovich, at one point I was even signing up to join green peace. Who knows where I would be if I had taken one of the dozens of other paths I thought that I wanted at the time. But now it all seems like I was trying to be something or someone that I thought was who I really was. now I have two beautiful children, am married to a wonderful man and am surrounded by good friends and family. HOnestly I couldn't ask for a better life and don't even come close to being deserving of it.
I'm glad you chose what you chose. If you hadn't who knows if you would be a part of my life now. Thank you for that. Love you.
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